Life Lesson #32

Life Lesson #32: Childhood memories cannot do justice to the peoples and characters contained therein.

I decided to face one of my childhood fears this week by watching Labyrinth. David Bowie has scared me for as long as I can remember. From the hideous mullet, and the transvestite make-up, to the flouncy blouses and crotch-stuffed "pants," The Bowie from this 1986 cult classic has given me nightmares for the better part of two decades.

I knew some portion of my phobia was connected to the formative years in which I was exposed to Labyrinth and the hideous side of Mr. Bowie that it presents, so I decided to swallow my fear and attempt to watch it once more.

What I saw was hideous.

While the puppets and story were less terrifying than my five-year-old self recollects, My fear of David Bowie has, if anything, increased. But he is not the only well know character who has struck my heart with fear, and instilled in me a desire for greater physical fitness, simply so that I might run away from him more quickly. There are a number of them, though I can narrow down my list to five truly frightening individuals. My top five most creeptastic people list is as follows:

5. David Hasselhoff- I am not sure whether it is the horrendous music video for "Hooked on a Feeling" or the affinity for speedos that got Hasselhoff on this list, but if there is a tangible reason, it would probably be one of those two.

4. Gelflings- They have noses, but no nostrils. I can hear the taller ones thoughts as he narrates his way through The Dark Crystal. I think Ballet legend Gelsey Kirkland might be one of them. Yes, Gelflings, though not commonly thought to be real, made my creepy people list.

3. Cillian Murphy- You might say, "Oh, Claire! You just think he's creepy because he's the Scarecrow!" or "You just think he's creepy because he's the villain in Red Eye." No. He wasn't a bad guy in Inception, and he still gave me the heebie jeebies. Cillian Murphy is just creeptastic.

2. Carol Channing- This star of stage and film won her way to this prestigious list for her performance in Thoroughly Modern Millie. Specifically for her "singing" of "Jazz Baby," and her insistence on saying the word "Raspberries" at inappropriate times.

1. David Bowie- The King of Creep. His performance in the movie Labyrinth placed Mr. Bowie in first, though his very existence would get him in the top five. Nothing else gives me more consistent nightmares and disturbed thoughts than imagining his face or hearing his voice.

Honorable mention: Jemaine Clement dressed as David Bowie in an Episode of Flight of the Conchords.

Life Lesson #31: Health and comfort are never the same thing.

I suddenly remembered that I had a summer goal of being health conscious and all that malarky, and I realized that my summer has been to comfortable for that goal to have been reached. If you are: Not sore, not hungry, not hot, or you are reading a book, your--and by you I mean me--physical health is lousy at best.

Twentieth Blog Anniversary

I have proudly reached my 20th Blog mark, and as such I am going to share 10 important Life Lessons that hopefully you have already learned.

LL #20: Don't eat yellow snow.

LL #21: Humidity sucks.

LL #22: You can change a poopy diaper, or you can breathe through your mouth and wait for the kids mom to get home. Sorry, Lisa.

LL #23: Twilight was clearly written to be a comedy and has been misread by millions of teens.

LL #24: Children six years old or younger do not cook well, they should not be permitted to do so.

LL #25: Sometimes, breathing through just doesn't do it for ya. You have to change that friggin' diaper. Dang.

LL #26: Pixar movies are seriously well made, original, and terrific.

LL #27: Rankin and Bass, producers of such classics as "The Hobbit" and "The Return of the King," Never produced any good cartoons.

LL #28: I had no idea that I knew how to spell Ratatouille. I now know that I do.

LL #29: My phone is a better camera than my camera. My camera is getting jealous.

LL#30: My life lessons are really trivial.

Nerd Conference: Day Three

I just finished up my third day at the NATS--not to be confused with gnats--conference in Salt Lake City. I have learned more life lessons that I could ever hope to share and shan't burden you with those details, but I learned at least one lesson that should be universally accessible.

Life Lesson #19: Anytime people with a similar nerdly pursuit gather en masse, it is an absolute certainty that the 'jokes' will be laugh out loud funny. However, if those 'jokes' were ever told outside such a setting, all they would get was a blank look and an awkward pause. Maybe a pity chuckle.

Voice part jokes finally go to their due this weekend at the 51st annual NATS Conference. For those of you who are not deep enough in the vocal world, NATS stands for National Association of Teachers of Singing. As a student of vocal music, and a conference volunteer, I got to attend this conference for free, and get a discount on tickets for the Kelli O'Hara conference recital. (if you are not familiar with this broadway superstar or her work, GOOGLE HER NOW!!! Seriously, stop reading this for a minute and google her.) I also got the chance to laugh about how unintelligent tenors are, how difficult Leonard Bernstein was to work with, and how clavicular breathing is dumb.

All of you are sitting and reading this right now thinking, "none of that stuff is funny." No. It's not funny to you, nor is it very funny to me by myself at my house, but to 700 Voice teachers/Choral Directors/Operatic directors/Artistic directors/Pedagogues/Vocal Scientists/Professional singing artists, they were worthy of full on guffaws.

Life Lesson #18

Life Lesson #18: I am not a child.

Spending a lot of time with children helps one to realize that they no longer have a childlike attention span for play, nor a childlike lack of attention span for more...stationary pursuits. Like reading.

To anyone and everyone: Please give me some brilliant ideas of ways kids can have fun. They should not cost a lot of money (if any) and they should appeal to boys--ages 6-10--and girls...age 2 or 3...Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Video of the Week:

Picture this: It is a saturday night, the kids are in bed, and you want to relax and have a laugh. Then you need to pop some popcorn and watch this series of youtube videos. I warn you, it is fairly long, but most definitely worth your while. Your life will be complete only after you have watched in it's entirety The Very Potter Musical!

Life Lesson #17

Life Lesson #17: You are NEVER too old for Legos!

For Example: At age ten, I loved to build huge awesome lego castles and pirate ships.

At age twelve, I loved to build huge awesome lego castles and pirate ships

At age twenty-one, I love to build huge awesome lego castles and pirate ships.

Video of the Week:

This video is one of the most quotable videos I have ever seen. If you enjoy it, you should watch parts 2 and 3. However, I will warn you that those additional segments have some undesirable, foul language.

Phantom of the Office, Part 1

Phantom of the Office, Part 2

Phantom of the Office, Part 3

Life Lesson #16

Life Lesson #16: There is no price tag on faith. But if there were to be, it would probably say $9.99

I went into a store called Jesus Saves. How could that not be an amazing experience? It was everything I had imagined and more. People making a tidy prophet off the secure knowledge that people will spend any amount of money to prove their piousness to the world. I was willing to spend a little over ten dollars so people could look at my wrist and see that I am wondering what Jesus would do.

For the sake of all the 4 people who read this blog, but most especially Garrett, here are some incredible bands that I think the world needs to know about. If you already know them, good for you! They rock! Literally and figuratively.

Claire's Top 15 (in no particular order)

1. Bright Eyes: Lead singer and songwriter Conor Oberst, is one of the most prolific and most brilliant lyricists of our time. Albums I recommend: Fevers and Mirrors; Cassadaga; and I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning. Another great closely related project is Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band. Here are good examples of work by each band:

Four Winds: Cassadaga: Bright Eyes

Lenders in the Temple (Live): Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band

2. Hello Saferide: Fronted by Swedish, Grammy-winning, singer/songwriter, Annika Norlin, who is a journalist in addition to being a songwriter. Albums I recommend: Introducing... and More Modern Short Stories from Hello Saferide.

If I don't write this song, someone I love will die: Introducing..

Anna: More Modern Short Stories from Hello Saferide

3. Brand New: This is a band that has undergone a lot of changes over the years. It started out as an average, young sounding punk band. They've evolved to a much more mature rock band. Albums I recommend: Deja Entendu; The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me; and Daisy.

Sic Transit Gloria: Deja Entendu

Sowing Season (Accoustic Live): The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me

Daisy: Daisy

4. Manchester Orchestra: I learned about this rockin' band because they were opening for Brand New in SLC, and fell in love with them as a result. Recommended album: Mean Everything to Nothing.

I've Got Friends: Mean Everything to Nothing

5. Harvey Danger: Great band with some catchy tunes and impressively original lyrics. The best part is, the album I recommend--Little by Little--is available FREE at their official website! You should download it and find out if you like it!

Little By Little: Harvey Danger

6. Emily Haines: The lead singer of the Canadian band, Metric, (Which I also recommend) has a terrific solo album. She is the songwriter for Metric as well, but Knives Don't Have Your Back, doesn't really sound much like Metric's albums, like Grow Up and Blow Away.

Doctor Blind: Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton

7. St. Vincent: Annie Clark is a multi-instrumentalist-singer-songwriter from Oklahoma. The Album I recommend is her debut album Marry Me. Interestingly enough, the title of the album was taken from the tagline from Arrested Development that is frequently repeated by Maeby Funke. Sadly, the Twilight Saga has marred her career by using her music in the soundtrack for New Moon.

What Me Worry: Marry Me

8. Gregory and the Hawk: A mellow, acoustic revolution. Singer/Songwriter Meredith Godreau, plays the guitar and sings some truly heartbreaking and beautiful pieces. Albums I recommend: Gregory and the Hawk and Boats and Birds EP.

Boats and Birds: Boats and Birds EP

9. She and Him: Actress/Singer/Songwriter Zooey Deschanel--You probably know her better as "the girl from Elf"--teams up with Folk singer/songwriter/superstar M. Ward for an awesome, musical experience. Deschanel writes most of the songs, plays piano, and sings; Ward plays guitar, sings back up, and handles the production aspects of the group. Their 2 albums are named Volume One and Volume Two.

Change is Hard: Volume One

10. The Arcade Fire: Where to begin with this amazing band? I suggest you start with the Albums Neon Bible and Funeral. Another Canadian band (Music and beer are about the only Canadian industries the rest of the continent cares about) they are original and brilliant.

No Cars Go: Neon Bible

11. Rilo Kiley: Lead singer and songwriter, Jenny Lewis, fronts this L.A. based indie-rock band. They've been around for about nine years writing terrific music! Albums I recommend: Under the Black Light and The Execution of All Things.

The Execution of All Things (Live): The Execution of All Things

Silver Lining: Under the Black Light

12. Rooney: Upbeat and a perfect blend of rock and roll traditions with their own unique style. Albums I recommend: Rooney and Calling the World. They've been with a major label for most of their albums, except their most recent, Eureka, for which they joined the world of independent artists. Good for them!

When Did Your Heart Go Missing?: Calling the World

If It Were Up To Me: Rooney

13. The Format: Terrific Indie band, I have a random assortment of songs from them, my favorites of which are "On Your Porch," "1000 Umbrellas," and "Tune Out." Also, the lead singer of The Format has formed a new band called Fun that is, well, a lot of fun!

On Your Porch: The Format

Be Calm: Aim and Ignite: FUN

14. The Early November: For the casual listener I recommend For All of This EP; The Room's Too Cold; or The Acoustic EP. For the serious listener, I recommend their triple album The Mother, the Mechanic, and the Path. It is a complete story including narration, music, and different versions of songs that appear in their other albums. The band has broken up, so the albums listed above are all there will ever be.

Hair: The Early November

1000 Times A Day: The Mother, the Mechanic, and the Path

15. Silverchair: They started out as a high school grunge band from Australia, but they have since evolved into something that is much, much better. Most people know them for their first album, Frogstomp, but what is really worth listening to is their more recent albums: Diorama; Neon Ballroom; and Young Modern Station. All three of these include full symphonic orchestrations, and a very original indie rock style.

Emotion Sickness: Neon Ballroom

Those Thieving Birds/Strange Behavior (LIVE): Young Modern Station

Other Bands of Note: M. Ward, Ben Harper, Neva Dinova, Regina Spektor, Lisa Mitchell, Muse, Dream Theater, Thrice, Flogging Molly, Hot Hot Heat, and Ingrid Michaelson.