I'm sorry...

Life Lesson #41: I am a walking pet peeve.

1. I am the person who calls you in the middle of dinner to ask you if your car service was satisfactory, or whom you will be voting for, or why you switched insurance providers. I continue to call you around the same time everyday until you answer my questions, politely refuse, or verbally abuse me to the point that I hang up on you.

2. I am the person who puts fliers on your car while you are at the supermarket, at the movies, at a football game, or parked anywhere for more than ten minutes.

3. I am the person who vaguely hints about a mysterious personal story, but doesn't tell you the story unless you ask me to tell you.

4. I am the person who posts on their blog too often, but never has anything really significant to say about their life.

The Blog was brought to you by the number 4 and the letter DR. PEPPER!!

Life Lesson #40: Caffeine is NOT my friend.

Why, you may ask? Because when I drink something caffeinated, I get anxious and jittery (more so that usual.) Because I drank not even a whole serving of Dr. Pepper three hours ago or more, and I still feel that way. Because it is 4:40 AM and I am wide awake, in bed, blogging like I swallowed a gallon of Jet Alert. Because I have to go to work in five hours where I will talk nonstop for four hours with a voice that will be lost from lack of sleep. Because now I am incredibly thirsty and the more I drink, the fuller my bladder will be, the less likely it is that I will be able to fall asleep. Because I know I will crash in an hour or so, and getting very little sleep is far more difficult for me to deal with that getting no sleep.

Someone please hold an intervention!!

Your sweet little sister is crying out for help! She has succumbed to a nasty awful habit; one she always frowned upon and shamed others who resorted to it's sordid comfort. Claire has become a facebook stalker.

Claire doesn't know I am writing this. I am her macbook, my name is Arthur. I am so sick of looking up the same profiles and pages, I decided to take a stand. It isn't as bad as it could be, but I want to head things off before they get worse. I think Claire has a real problem, and I am only an inanimate object that can do math faster than you can imagine, but cannot think for myself. Claire is my other half, without her I am nothing.

Regards,

Arthur McBook.

French-schmench

Life Lesson #39: French is a stupid language.

In my extensive studies of the French language--and by extensive, I mean two years in middle school and half a semester in college--I have decided it is an overly complicated and ridiculous language. I mean, If I wanted to say this was my blog, I would have to say Le blog de Claire. That translates to "the blog of Claire." I mean, come on. Who talks like that??

Six months of Lessons

I realized that it has been almost exactly six months since I first started this Blog, and therefore, it is a record of all the important life lessons I have learned in that period of time. Isn't that sad? This understanding has led me to my newest life lesson...

Life Lesson #38: I learn very slowly.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go see if I can't make friends by yelling rude comments at self-conscious looking strangers. I don't know why it hasn't been working for me so far...

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." -Oscar Wilde

Life Lesson #37: I have become my mother.

This wouldn't be a particularly bad thing, except that I am not the current, lovable, cuddly version of my mother that walks about buying toys for her Grand kids and paying tuition for her academically inclined undergraduate daughter. Oh no. I have become the "I-have-six-children-at-home-and-I-have-to-clean-up-after-them" version of my mother. Considering that I don't even have children yet, you can imagine how this is just going to get worse from here on out.

I am the only person in my house who seems to do dishes, or keep my things out of the living room, or keeps their laundry moving along. Yesterday I made dinner for about seven hungry friends, and I told them to bring their own bowls and spoons because I didn't want to do their dishes. I let two visitors use our dishes and I yelled at them to clean them up before they went home. I get very grouchy when my house is messy and I grumble about my roommates to everyone, including my roommates. However, I've asked them very nicely to please clean the kitchen and living room, seeing as I've done all their dishes. If they fail to do so, I will be forced to ask again and again until I am finally screaming at the top of my lungs that they'd better clean the house or I will ground them.

I know you all thought it would never happen, that I would forever be a messy individual, but you were all wrong. I have become a compulsive neat freak. And, in a way, I should be grateful to my messy roommates. If it weren't for their complete disregard for housekeeping, I might never have developed the compulsion that makes me more like my mother everyday.

Life Lesson #36

Life Lesson #36: Some people are more fun to wake up in the morning than others.

I think this one is pretty self explanatory.