I just found an article entitled:
10 Vacation Mistakes that will Ruin Your Life
I didn't read that article, but I am pretty sure it went something like this....
Going on vacation should be relaxing, renewing, eye-opening, and memorable, but sometimes our travels don't go as smoothly as we hope. Missed flights, lost luggage, and feuding families can put a negative spin on your vacation, but they don't usually do permanent damage. Life goes on! But what if they didn't? What if leaving the house and trying something new literally ruins your life? Here are a few handy tips that should ensure that your travels do not completely destroy everything and everyone you love.
10. Stealing the Mona Lisa
First of all, it's been done before! People, let's at least be original with our art thefts. But also remember that you would never be able to sell such a well known piece of art, you couldn't display it in your home, and you may end up being caught by the authorities. Just as with the drug smuggling in Mexico, I suspect you would more than ruin your vacation with this blunder. You would probably end up with a criminal record and some prison time besides. I don't think the Guillotine is used anymore, but I don't think this would be the way to find out! leave the priceless art and artifacts in the museums where the whole world can enjoy them.
9. Forgetting your water pack in the Sahara
You've checked and double checked your packing list, but your certain you've forgotten something. You ignore the uneasy feeling until you've been riding your camel for 7.5 hours and you stop for a drink. Oh, no! You've forgotten your water! Doctors and Nutritionists are always saying that we need to drink lots of water, that it will make us healthier, well they are right! Not only that, forgetting to have enough drinking water could be a trip ruining or life ending experience. Dehydration and Heat Exhaustion are no way to go! Be prepared so you don't die alone chasing the mirage on the horizon.
8. Traveling into a War Zone without an Escort
You may be ready to sacrifice life and limb to win first prize at the local documentary film festival, but consider before you head into the line of fire: Do I really want to spend my vacation dodging bullets, Claymores and AMRAMs? I imagine even the most hardened soldiers in the world spend their R and R away from the front lines, and that is what a vacation should be: Rest and Relaxation. You can find plenty of exciting vacation spots without crossing into the danger zone.
As you plan your trip, here are some questions you should be asking yourself: What percentage of this town or city is bombed our rubble? What percentage of people there are carrying automatic weapons? Am I likely to be in the way of major military operations while I travel? Am I legally allowed to visit that area without authorization from a high ranking military officer? If the answer is 'Yes' or 'over 50%' then I might hit google and look for a new destination.
7. Having an Extra-Marital Affair
In cities like Las Vegas and Amsterdam, it isn't hard to find prostitutes, but that doesn't make finding them a good idea. Consider how this travel mistake might negatively impact life after your trip. 1 in 5 American adults are carrying an STI/STD, if you are one of them then it would be more considerate to not share that around. Seek medical treatment. If you are not currently one of those infected individuals, you might want to stay that way. Not only that, but if you've made marriage vows, breaking them may really throw your life off the rails! Consider your partner's feelings first and remember the family you have back home. If you aren't interested in having a secret second family, it might be best for you to simply avoid the Red Light District and spend the evening in your hotel room watching HBO alone instead.
6. Buying Drugs or Guns in Mexico
I know, I know, what happens on Spring Break stays in Spring Break, right? Well, as much as we wish everyone could forget that drunken karaoke night in Cabo, youtube is forever! But getting drunk and singing "Hopelessly Devoted to You" to your ex is far from the worst vacation mistake you can make. In an effort to crack down on cartels and smuggling operations coming out of Mexico, the LEO's south of the border are getting serious about checking vehicles as you cross the border. Even if it seems like a good idea to cart back a few grams of heroine or a trunk full of AK's, think again! If you are caught, you'll be serving your time not in the US of A, but down in a Mexican prison and you might find yourself down there with no English speaking legal council and nothing but a soiled prison mattress for comfort. Not only would your Spring Break be over in a snap, you may end up doing time for months or even years!
It's easy as this: To avoid ruining your vacation (and your life) you should never agree to be a drug mule or gun runner while traveling. Though this tip is specific to Mexico, it is a good rule of thumb for anywhere in the world!
5. Petting the Crocodile
You are not Steve Erwin and this is not the Discovery Channel. Respect the local wildlife. You don't have to go swimming off the coast of that seal island in South Africa, you don't have to pick up the Rattlesnake, and you don't need to hang out with a pack of Grizzlies to enjoy the great outdoors. The Bison in Yellowstone may look docile, but they will gore the crap out of you if they feel threatened. Take photos from afar, stay in the safari jeep, and be smart about where you go swimming. If you try to do too much wildlife interaction you may find yourself less a limb and plus a hefty hospital bill, not to mention a spoiled trip!
4. Bringing explosives on the Plane
There is a decent chance you would get caught with them trying to get through security at the airport, and who wants to spend their whole trip being grilled by Federal Agents? Not me! Instead of relaxing on the beaches of Hawai'i, you could find yourself on the beaches if Gitmo, not my top pick. And then even if you did make it through security, can you imagine how stressful that would be? After sweating your way passed TSA you would find yourself thinking, "Do I look weird? That guy is looking at me like I look weird. Oh, mercy, he is going to talk to the Flight Attendant. HE KNOWS! He is going to alert her to my suspicious behavior! Act cool, be casual. Why oh why did I ever decide to bring these explosives on my trip?!?"
The solution is simple: Leave that C-4 at home! It's heavy, hazardous, and could make your vacation the point in your life when you went from Suburban Dad to Public Enemy #1. Leave your hazardous materials and home and save yourself the stress!
3. Being Kidnapped by a Gang of Human Traffickers
One minute you are walking down a lonely alley late at night in a strange city a little intoxicated and very alone, and the next minute you are surrounded by unfriendly strangers who whisk you away to your knew home in a Colombian brothel! We've all been there, when we are traveling in a dangerous part of town late at night by ourselves and we've failed to tell anyone where we're going, but Liam Neeson isn't your dad and no one is going to find you! It's best to stick to populated areas, don't tell strangers where you're staying, make sure you stick with a buddy or at least are checking regularly with someone back home, and don't leave your drink unattended. Believe it or not these simple precautions can prevent your disappearing from the life you know and into a flea infested hellhole
2. Joining a Murderous Death Cult
Now, I'm not sure how many of these there are floating around, but if action movies are any indicator then there are a lot! And they mostly exist in fascinating locations and are very evil. It might seem like fun and games to chant a bunch of nonsense syllables and wear a flowing robe, but then the next thing you know you are standing at a sacrificial altar and someone hands you a knife. You are suddenly in the precarious position of not wanting to let down your new friends but you also don't want to endanger your immortal soul.
To avoid being placed in this position in the first place, don't join the Murderous Death Cult. If you want to connect with people in your travels try a youth hostel or visiting the local pub to make friends. You might find you have a lot in common and no one will ask you to gut a virgin to feed Zorp the Lizard King.
1. Bringing along the One Ring
Your Precious calls to you as you pack your suit case, "Take me with you, wouldn't it be awesome to be invisible and skip the TSA lines at the airport?" Yes, that would be awesome, but when you travel with the One Ring you are carrying all of it's baggage. You have Gollum following you, waiting for the right chance to throttle you in your sleep, you may be chased by Nazgul to the point that you can't even enjoy the Grand Canyon, and, of course, Sauron's Eye will be continuously watching you. Ick! I prefer privacy when I shower! All of those will ruin your trip for sure, but will they really ruin your life? Y-E-S, yes! The One Ring will weigh so heavily on your mind and consume you with temptation till you become a Gollum yourself. Yes, you'd drop 100 lbs, but is the trade off in rotted teeth worth it? Absolutely not! Let a Hobbit toss the Ring for you ASAP and go backpacking in new Zealand...without the side trip to Mordor!
