Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Disney Animals

Disney princesses get a lot of credit for their inexplicable ability to communicate with forest critters and vermin. Snow White won over birds, deer, tortoises, and squirrels with her squirrely little voice; Sleeping Beauty charmed whole flocks, even got an owl to dance with her; Cinderella had a bunch of rats...mice...probably lice as well. But, with the exception of Jasmine, the critters that befriend the heroine are lame sauce compared to the villain's animal sidekicks.

Iago the parrot can talk, to impressions, and make jokes. Maleficent's raven is crafty enough to find Sleeping Beauty when hordes of monsters and magic fail. I'd take that raven over all those chirping nitwits any day!

Ariel had a chubby flounder fish, Ursula got two creep-tacular eels. Flotsam and Jetsam could eat Sebastian, Flounder, and Scuttle for breakfast!

Though, honestly, the villains of The Rescuers films have the most awesome evil sidekicks. Madame Medusa has TWO GARGANTUAN ALLIGATORS. Alligators that do her bidding. I cannot even fathom that level of awesome!

However cool the alligators are, the poacher from Rescuers Down Under has the most hilariously crafty and disloyal monitor lizard in the universe. I would become a Disney villain if it meant I could hang out with Joanna the Goanna. She is the best animal character ever created.

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