Sunday, June 27, 2010

Life Lesson #18

Life Lesson #18: I am not a child.

Spending a lot of time with children helps one to realize that they no longer have a childlike attention span for play, nor a childlike lack of attention span for more...stationary pursuits. Like reading.

To anyone and everyone: Please give me some brilliant ideas of ways kids can have fun. They should not cost a lot of money (if any) and they should appeal to boys--ages 6-10--and girls...age 2 or 3...Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Video of the Week:

Picture this: It is a saturday night, the kids are in bed, and you want to relax and have a laugh. Then you need to pop some popcorn and watch this series of youtube videos. I warn you, it is fairly long, but most definitely worth your while. Your life will be complete only after you have watched in it's entirety The Very Potter Musical!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Life Lesson #17

Life Lesson #17: You are NEVER too old for Legos!

For Example: At age ten, I loved to build huge awesome lego castles and pirate ships.
At age twelve, I loved to build huge awesome lego castles and pirate ships
At age twenty-one, I love to build huge awesome lego castles and pirate ships.

Video of the Week:
This video is one of the most quotable videos I have ever seen. If you enjoy it, you should watch parts 2 and 3. However, I will warn you that those additional segments have some undesirable, foul language.



Saturday, June 12, 2010

Life Lesson #16

Life Lesson #16: There is no price tag on faith. But if there were to be, it would probably say $9.99

I went into a store called Jesus Saves. How could that not be an amazing experience? It was everything I had imagined and more. People making a tidy prophet off the secure knowledge that people will spend any amount of money to prove their piousness to the world. I was willing to spend a little over ten dollars so people could look at my wrist and see that I am wondering what Jesus would do.

For the sake of all the 4 people who read this blog, but most especially Garrett, here are some incredible bands that I think the world needs to know about. If you already know them, good for you! They rock! Literally and figuratively.

Claire's Top 15 (in no particular order)

1. Bright Eyes: Lead singer and songwriter Conor Oberst, is one of the most prolific and most brilliant lyricists of our time. Albums I recommend: Fevers and Mirrors; Cassadaga; and I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning. Another great closely related project is Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band. Here are good examples of work by each band:



2. Hello Saferide: Fronted by Swedish, Grammy-winning, singer/songwriter, Annika Norlin, who is a journalist in addition to being a songwriter. Albums I recommend: Introducing... and More Modern Short Stories from Hello Saferide.



3. Brand New: This is a band that has undergone a lot of changes over the years. It started out as an average, young sounding punk band. They've evolved to a much more mature rock band. Albums I recommend: Deja Entendu; The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me; and Daisy.




4. Manchester Orchestra: I learned about this rockin' band because they were opening for Brand New in SLC, and fell in love with them as a result. Recommended album: Mean Everything to Nothing.


5. Harvey Danger: Great band with some catchy tunes and impressively original lyrics. The best part is, the album I recommend--Little by Little--is available FREE at their official website! You should download it and find out if you like it!


6. Emily Haines: The lead singer of the Canadian band, Metric, (Which I also recommend) has a terrific solo album. She is the songwriter for Metric as well, but Knives Don't Have Your Back, doesn't really sound much like Metric's albums, like Grow Up and Blow Away.


7. St. Vincent: Annie Clark is a multi-instrumentalist-singer-songwriter from Oklahoma. The Album I recommend is her debut album Marry Me. Interestingly enough, the title of the album was taken from the tagline from Arrested Development that is frequently repeated by Maeby Funke. Sadly, the Twilight Saga has marred her career by using her music in the soundtrack for New Moon.


8. Gregory and the Hawk: A mellow, acoustic revolution. Singer/Songwriter Meredith Godreau, plays the guitar and sings some truly heartbreaking and beautiful pieces. Albums I recommend: Gregory and the Hawk and Boats and Birds EP.


9. She and Him: Actress/Singer/Songwriter Zooey Deschanel--You probably know her better as "the girl from Elf"--teams up with Folk singer/songwriter/superstar M. Ward for an awesome, musical experience. Deschanel writes most of the songs, plays piano, and sings; Ward plays guitar, sings back up, and handles the production aspects of the group. Their 2 albums are named Volume One and Volume Two.


10. The Arcade Fire: Where to begin with this amazing band? I suggest you start with the Albums Neon Bible and Funeral. Another Canadian band (Music and beer are about the only Canadian industries the rest of the continent cares about) they are original and brilliant.


11. Rilo Kiley: Lead singer and songwriter, Jenny Lewis, fronts this L.A. based indie-rock band. They've been around for about nine years writing terrific music! Albums I recommend: Under the Black Light and The Execution of All Things.



12. Rooney: Upbeat and a perfect blend of rock and roll traditions with their own unique style. Albums I recommend: Rooney and Calling the World. They've been with a major label for most of their albums, except their most recent, Eureka, for which they joined the world of independent artists. Good for them!



13. The Format: Terrific Indie band, I have a random assortment of songs from them, my favorites of which are "On Your Porch," "1000 Umbrellas," and "Tune Out." Also, the lead singer of The Format has formed a new band called Fun that is, well, a lot of fun!



14. The Early November: For the casual listener I recommend For All of This EP; The Room's Too Cold; or The Acoustic EP. For the serious listener, I recommend their triple album The Mother, the Mechanic, and the Path. It is a complete story including narration, music, and different versions of songs that appear in their other albums. The band has broken up, so the albums listed above are all there will ever be.



15. Silverchair: They started out as a high school grunge band from Australia, but they have since evolved into something that is much, much better. Most people know them for their first album, Frogstomp, but what is really worth listening to is their more recent albums: Diorama; Neon Ballroom; and Young Modern Station. All three of these include full symphonic orchestrations, and a very original indie rock style.



Other Bands of Note: M. Ward, Ben Harper, Neva Dinova, Regina Spektor, Lisa Mitchell, Muse, Dream Theater, Thrice, Flogging Molly, Hot Hot Heat, and Ingrid Michaelson.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Life Lesson #15

Life Lesson #15: Real friendships and relationships can be replaced by a television series.

Since I got home for the summer, most of my friends are:
A) In Logan
B) At work
C) On missions
D) Crazy

I have been left to myself and, therefore, have to get my social interactions from sources that are...somewhat fictional. The spectrum of coping with loneliness is as follows:


I am stuck somewhere in Stage Three. Through a variety of programs, I get my fix for all my social groups, therefore, I miss out on nothing.

Chuck: By watching Adam Baldwin portray a super-muscled, gun-wielding, grouchy-but-attractive, super-spy, I no longer need to meet or look at real-life eye candy.

Big-Bang Theory: I no longer miss my exceptionally intelligent/nerdy friends. It's like I get hang out with them and have Star Wars/LOTR/Firefly/Harry Potter/Jaws marathons even though I never leave my house.

Glee: This show fills the empty place in my heart that being in Choirs/Musicals/Operas would usually fill. Sue Sylvester is like Jean Maguire--my high school choir director--and all the kids on the show are the kids I go to school with and have gone to school with for the better part of my natural life.

30 Rock: It's a little like being at improv because of the wide variety of colorful characters. In fact, each episode is like a 20 minute Stir Fry! (Most of my readers don't know what that means. That's okay. Just overlook it.)

Psych: This one makes me feel like I'm back with my roommates; pulling some ridiculous shennanigans, and referencing movies no one else has seen. Tricia, Kelsha; I miss you guys.

I may be nearing actual insanity, but I'm not there yet. If I decide to write a novella, consider it a cry for help. Do an intervention.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I hope you still remember what MST3K stands for...

Life Lesson #14: Some books/movies are great. Some other books/movies involve Stephanie Meyer.

I realize that Twilight has already been heckled into the ground by much wittier folks than myself, but I could not resist the chance to take a crack at it. I have done a bit of research and gathered some charts to help communicate my point. I feel that this very scientific approach will help strengthen my argument and that of those who spoke before me. So, without further ado, here is my scientific and well researched evidence against Twilight and it's "author."

Exhibit A: Twilight is part of the problem of low literacy rates, not the solution. People who read it are not literate enough to understand it. Obviously. People who can't read at all, must think if something that involves sparkling monsters of the night made it to the New York Times best seller list, books can't be that great anyway.

Exhibit B: Edward is creepy.

Exhibit C: Twilight possesses none of the traits that make for a great work of fiction.
Exhibit D: Twilight is read primarily by teenage girls, not our most discerning or insightful demographic.
It is this same demographic the movies are targeting...

Exhibit E: In twenty years, no one will remember it.
I feel as though I have presented evidence enough to prove my point. But if you are still not convinced or would like to make further mockery of this bizarre cultural phenomenon, I suggest visiting rifftrax.com there you can download and purchase mp3 tracks to play along with some of your favorite--or least favorite--movies. All the tracks feature our favorite voices from the MST3K TV series and Movie. I bought the Twilight mp3 and have laughed my brain off at Stephanie Meyers expense ever since. I guess Twilight has some redeeming qualities, they just happen to be the same redeeming qualities that one might find in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Star Wars Episode I, and other productions of similar caliber.

Friday, May 14, 2010

And soup, and soup, and soup...

Video of the Week:

I forgot to provide a video with my last post. Here is the video that you need to see this week! For all of you who love a good infomercial or hate a bad one, I present to you:

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Thirteen and a half life lessons later...

Life Lesson #13: The number thirteen is not unlucky.

Evidence: This is my 13th life lesson and there is nothing wrong with it.

Life Lesson #13.5: There is no comeback in a rhetorical battle for your opponent when he/she says "You're Poopy!"

A Rhetorical Example:
The names might have been changed to protect the involved parties.

Claire: It's a free country! You're not the boss of me!

Grace: You're not the boss of me!

Claire: I am when you're Mom isn't here! OH Snap!

Grace: You're Poopy!

Claire: Dag.

It simply isn't fair! I thought the comeback to end all comebacks was "I know what you are, but what am I?" Apparently the world of children's insult wars has moved on from where it was in my day...I am so out of my depth with kids these days! How will I ever maintain being the coolest Aunt? How can I convince your children that I am cool? Any suggestions?