Life Lesson #14: Some books/movies are great. Some other books/movies involve Stephanie Meyer.
I realize that Twilight has already been heckled into the ground by much wittier folks than myself, but I could not resist the chance to take a crack at it. I have done a bit of research and gathered some charts to help communicate my point. I feel that this very scientific approach will help strengthen my argument and that of those who spoke before me. So, without further ado, here is my scientific and well researched evidence against Twilight and it's "author."
Exhibit A: Twilight is part of the problem of low literacy rates, not the solution. People who read it are not literate enough to understand it. Obviously. People who can't read at all, must think if something that involves sparkling monsters of the night made it to the New York Times best seller list, books can't be that great anyway.
Exhibit B: Edward is creepy.
Exhibit C: Twilight possesses none of the traits that make for a great work of fiction.
Exhibit D: Twilight is read primarily by teenage girls, not our most discerning or insightful demographic.
It is this same demographic the movies are targeting...
Exhibit E: In twenty years, no one will remember it.
I feel as though I have presented evidence enough to prove my point. But if you are still not convinced or would like to make further mockery of this bizarre cultural phenomenon, I suggest visiting rifftrax.com there you can download and purchase mp3 tracks to play along with some of your favorite--or least favorite--movies. All the tracks feature our favorite voices from the MST3K TV series and Movie. I bought the Twilight mp3 and have laughed my brain off at Stephanie Meyers expense ever since. I guess Twilight has some redeeming qualities, they just happen to be the same redeeming qualities that one might find in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Star Wars Episode I, and other productions of similar caliber.
AMEN!
ReplyDeleteI am thoroughly impressed by your research. You should write a book. You can call it.
"The Rise and Fall of Literacy (an exploration of just how Stephanie Meyers singlehandedly destroyed teenage girls and desperate woman's intelligence one sparkly vampire at a time)."
For years I've felt that Twilight was beyond my comprehension, that I was missing something. Thanks to your fine analysis, I finally understand. It's stupid, but people like it anyway. Seems accurate.
ReplyDeleteOkay Claire, you get the, "I was reading this in a quiet library and laughed out loud" award (only a select few have ever received this award.)
ReplyDeleteI also can't wait for you to get together with Lisa so you can giggle at and heckle the next installment that comes out.
Matt-
NEXT IN CLAIRE'S RESEARCH: Up and coming movie heckler Claire B. will be traveling to DC and will be going under cover to view eclipse to further grasp the appeal it has to teen age girls. Her older sister and partner states, "In order to blend in, we'll be wearing Team Edward and Team Jacob t-shirts. We hope to be unnoticed as we document the bizarre reactions of young women when they view Eclipse." Good luck for your next big project.
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