I decided to face one of my childhood fears this week by watching Labyrinth. David Bowie has scared me for as long as I can remember. From the hideous mullet, and the transvestite make-up, to the flouncy blouses and crotch-stuffed "pants," The Bowie from this 1986 cult classic has given me nightmares for the better part of two decades.
I knew some portion of my phobia was connected to the formative years in which I was exposed to Labyrinth and the hideous side of Mr. Bowie that it presents, so I decided to swallow my fear and attempt to watch it once more.
What I saw was hideous.
While the puppets and story were less terrifying than my five-year-old self recollects, My fear of David Bowie has, if anything, increased. But he is not the only well know character who has struck my heart with fear, and instilled in me a desire for greater physical fitness, simply so that I might run away from him more quickly. There are a number of them, though I can narrow down my list to five truly frightening individuals. My top five most creeptastic people list is as follows:
5. David Hasselhoff- I am not sure whether it is the horrendous music video for "Hooked on a Feeling" or the affinity for speedos that got Hasselhoff on this list, but if there is a tangible reason, it would probably be one of those two.
4. Gelflings- They have noses, but no nostrils. I can hear the taller ones thoughts as he narrates his way through The Dark Crystal. I think Ballet legend Gelsey Kirkland might be one of them. Yes, Gelflings, though not commonly thought to be real, made my creepy people list.
3. Cillian Murphy- You might say, "Oh, Claire! You just think he's creepy because he's the Scarecrow!" or "You just think he's creepy because he's the villain in Red Eye." No. He wasn't a bad guy in Inception, and he still gave me the heebie jeebies. Cillian Murphy is just creeptastic.
2. Carol Channing- This star of stage and film won her way to this prestigious list for her performance in Thoroughly Modern Millie. Specifically for her "singing" of "Jazz Baby," and her insistence on saying the word "Raspberries" at inappropriate times.
1. David Bowie- The King of Creep. His performance in the movie Labyrinth placed Mr. Bowie in first, though his very existence would get him in the top five. Nothing else gives me more consistent nightmares and disturbed thoughts than imagining his face or hearing his voice.
Honorable mention: Jemaine Clement dressed as David Bowie in an Episode of Flight of the Conchords.
You didn't mention PAT! Pat made it on America's Creepiest People and I didn't see a single one of your listed people honestly. I have known several gelflings in real life. These ones are a variant with nostrils but their waifish thin appearance, colorless aspects, and pointed features are a dead give away...creeptacular.
ReplyDeleteFunny/terrible thing I must have some repressed memory about The Dark Crystal, because I saw the picture of those creepy things and almost had a heart attack. I still can't look at them straight on without a strong urge to hide under my bed and suck my finger...
ReplyDeleteAfter revisiting a few movies I loved as a kid, I found that it's best to just enjoy the memories. In the same vein the horrible nightmarish ones are also best left alone. The clear-eyed adult reality is that they are much, much creepier than we ever imagined as children.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised that Michael Jackson didn't make your creepy list anywhere.
ReplyDeleteAnd ditto on Cillian Murphy. I have an almost identical statement about him on my blog right now (right side bar, review of Inception)
Quinn